


A New Beginning

by Ellekam



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Lives, Butterflies, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Ghost(s), Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, The Force, celebrate ben solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23722243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellekam/pseuds/Ellekam
Summary: Rey returns to Ajan Kloss from Exogol with the rest of the resistance. After celebrating as best she can, she finds solitude to reflect on what happened in the throne room. But while she sits, something is happening back on Exogol. Someone is waking up.
Relationships: Ben Solo - Relationship, Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 59
Collections: #CelebrateBenSolo - A Ben Solo Fan Event





	A New Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of a longer fic - I'm posting this for #CelebrateBenSolo. Please be kind, this is a work in progress and my first ever fanfic. I still have editing and research to do. This is an excerpt from my first draft.

After hours of celebrating, eating, drinking, and, just a small amount of discussing the next steps, Rey finally made her way to her makeshift quarters, which were surprisingly away from the rest of the celebrations. Actually, she snuck away while Poe was trying to get Finn and Rose to look at a few holo projections he had pulled up. If Poe could be done celebrating, then she could too.

She sat on her cot. Luke and Leia’s lightsabers sat on the end of the bed, the only things she brought back from Exogol. The weapons she and Ben had used to defeat their enemy. The weapons she used to defeat Palpatine. She took a deep breath and let it out, relaxing her body as she had during her meditations. Suddenly she felt cold and wished, just for a moment that she had thought to take Ben’s sweater. Then, at least, she could have something of his. She had nothing but her memories of the few moments they had together to remind her of him.

A thought came to her – she had had something of his for her whole life. She had had that connection in the force. But now, even that was gone. It was as if a wave had hit her. Everything she had been holding back since she stepped back into Luke’s x-wing after the battle came washing over her. 

Tears fell from her eyes. Pain welled in her chest and she tried to release it, but only made a silent scream before gasping for air. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned back against the wall of stone behind her. She just closed her eyes and let herself feel it all. She let the pain, sadness, and loneliness wash over her.

She thought about how she came back from the darkness seeing him there, holding her, his hand on her waist. His face was so calm, so stoic in concentration. But she could sense the panic and fear that was hiding inside, thinking that she was gone from him forever. She couldn’t have hidden her joy at seeing him, seeing Ben there if she had tried. Now she felt truly understood how he felt in those moments. She remembered how her heart swelled with love when they kissed. Everything was perfect in the world as they sat there for those brief moments in each other’s arms. His smile – that hurt the most to remember. She wouldn’t get to see his smile again. 

After a while, the tears stopped coming. Her head hurt, her eyes hurt, her heart hurt. Her thoughts wandered to her last force vision with Ben, fighting alongside him. Naturally, without even thinking about it, she tried to feel for her connection to him. She had always had that connection, it had been a part of her whole life. Before she knew what it was, before she met Kylo, she had never given it a second thought. But now it was gone and she somehow felt hollow. There was something missing and she hoped that the empty feeling would eventually fade. She didn’t want to feel it for the rest of her life. 

Actually, she didn’t want to feel any of this pain anymore. She didn’t want it. She didn’t deserve this pain. She did everything she was supposed to do, but in the end, the dark side had taken one last thing from her.

“I’ll always be with you,” she recalled hearing just after Ben faded and became one with the force. He had said that to her. But he hadn’t come to her yet. She didn’t feel him there.

A thought occurred to her. Rey sat up straight, her legs crossed in front of her, palms on her knees. She closed her eyes and focused her mind. After a few deep breaths, she called out. Her voice carried out into the world, her mind called through the force. Her heart begged for him to come. She called for Ben.

“Be with me,” she began to chant, as she had in her training. “Be with me. Be with me.”

But he didn’t come. No one came.

A thousand generations now lived within her. She was the last of the Jedi or at least the last person trained by a Jedi. Yet, no one came to her. They came before when she needed their strength, but now, when she needed it just as much, no one came to her.  
Her anger swelled inside her. She wanted to scream in frustration. She was angry at the Jedi. She was angry at Palpatine. She was angry at the dark side. All of them had taken so much from her and now all she felt was pain. 

No, she thought. Anger was what had led so many down the wrong path in the past. If she was going to continue down the path of light, she needed to let it go. She needed to let the sadness, the anger, and the pain go away. Sitting back again, she took a deep breath and allowed herself to visualize Ben’s face one more time. Allowed herself to feel the sadness, the pain. She allowed herself to feel the hollowness inside her. She felt it all, accepted it all as part of her, something that would always be there. But now, it was time to put it away. Perhaps she would allow herself to feel it again, but not now. She had to move on, move forward.

“Let the past die,” she thought. Who knew that Kylo Ren would have been right about something in the end. 

She breathed in, imagining herself building a crystal wall around her feelings. She pictured it growing around a dark smoky mass of anger and sadness. As it closed solid, it shone blue for a moment before fading to dark. 

He opened his eyes and saw nothing but stars. There wasn’t a sound around him, but he could feel a small breeze moving across his face. He smelled fire, but he didn’t see any signs of it. He shifted to lift himself up and realized just how stiff his muscles were. He wondered for a moment just how long he had been laying on the cold stone ground.

Ben Solo sat up. He looked at his body vaguely remembering that he had broken his leg, cut it open when he fell down the pit. Hadn’t he broken a rib too? There was no blood on his leg through the tear in his black pants. He felt his ribs but only felt his sore muscles through his shirt. 

He looked around the cavern in front of him. There was nothing. He was seemingly alone. He remembered, yes, Palpatine was dead and so were his followers. The knights of Ren were gone too, he had killed them trying to get to Rey.  
“Rey,” he whispered, his voice raspy. He coughed realizing how dry his throat was. How long had he been out?

Rey had been here. He had saved her, brought her back from the dead. They had been there, together. They kissed. They had held each other before – before he had blacked out. He must have blacked out. Maybe she had gone to get help? But who would come to help him?

Suddenly a faint blue light passed out of the corner of his eye. Was that a butterfly? Impossible. He must have seen something else. His mind was just filling in gaps, drawing from memories. Then it flew past him again. It was a small butterfly.

Ben turned around on the ground, trying not to groan in stiff pain. Behind him, the small blue light, the butterfly, fluttered to a rock. When it landed, Ben watched as a hand appeared next to it. The hand was translucent with a faint blue glow, like the butterfly, which was now crawling across the fingers. Ben moved to stand as he took in the figure sitting on the rock.

“I wouldn’t do that just yet,” the man said, turning his head from the butterfly to Ben. “You're still a bit too weak. You won't be for too much longer though, I can feel myself getting weaker by the second. I won’t lie, it is a strange feeling.”

“Who are you?” Ben asked as he sat back down, making sure he’d be able to get up in a hurry if he needed to. 

“You know me,” he said. “Though, I’ve been reluctant to speak to you. Others have used my voice, however.”

The man, or at least this ghost of himself, turned back to the butterfly. Ben could see the scar down the right side of his face. It was a lot like the scar he had, the one Rey had given him when they fought on Starkiller base. The man was about his age, with shaggy brown hair that just touched the top of the collar of his Jedi tunic. His clothes were darker, older than he had seen while training himself. He also wore a glove on his right hand, the hand the butterfly avoided. Then the man smiled at the butterfly as if it had said something to him and Ben knew.

“Anakin,” he said quietly. “Grandfather?”

“That’s not quite a title I’ve earned,” he said. “I wanted to see you, meet you before I left. I wanted to apologize.”

Anakin’s force ghost flickered for a moment and a look of pain seemed to flash across his face before he shimmered back. Ben felt himself get stronger at that moment. It wasn’t unlike the feeling he had as Rey healed him, gave him some of her life force. He wondered if Anakin was feeling as he had giving the life force back to her. Perhaps it wasn’t pain on his face, but strain to stay for a few moments longer. 

“I’m sorry for allowing Palpatine to corrupt me, corrupt our family all those years ago,” he said quickly clearly trying to stay present. “I thought I had made amends for that error when I killed him. When I thought, when we all thought he was dead. I’m sorry he was able to get to you. I’m sorry he was allowed to twist you as he had once twisted me.”

“I forgive you,” Ben said. “But I am just as guilty. I chose to do all of those things. I chose to follow him, the voices, Snoke. That decision wasn’t made for me.”

“Well, now you can make another decision,” Anakin replied. His ghost had faded just a bit more, but the butterfly stayed slowly moving its wings on his hand. “I’m giving you the last of what I have. You deserve a chance to walk the path of light. Just remember every person you help will mater, even if you don’t believe it will ever outweigh the dark.”

Anakin’s image faltered again. When he appeared, he was barely more than a faded outline of a person. Ben could barely make out the expression on his face, but he just knew that it was pride. He could see his grandfather looking at him with pride in his eyes. 

“A long time ago, far too long after I had last seen my wife’s face, I tried to recall it,” Anakin said faintly. His eyes went to the butterfly on his hand, which he lifted toward his face. “I couldn’t picture her. But in my meditation, I remember seeing an image of these small blue butterflies. I always wondered if they were her, somehow. I think I’m about to find out.”

The butterfly flew up from Anakin’s hand and circled around his head. The force ghost faded to nothing. Ben felt his strength return to him in a rush. Suddenly he was very aware of the world around him. The force had returned to him, too. It was almost as if he had been numb since waking. He stood, finding it easy. He felt no pain. 

He stood there watching as the butterfly flew up toward the ceiling before disappearing into the darkness. He wasn’t sure if the creature had been real, or an image from his mind. But he would have sworn that it had had a small blue trail of light following it as it moved on. 

When Rey opened her eyes, she took a mental note of her body. She no longer felt the ache of sadness in her body, though her head and eyes still hurt from crying. She didn’t feel cold. She didn’t feel hollow. She just felt – she felt like Rey. Maybe not quite how she had felt before leaving Jakku, but more so than she had in a long time. She wasn’t happy, but she was content. 

And as that thought occurred to her, she felt something in her chest. It was almost as if someone had tapped her there with their finger. It was so strange she found herself rubbing just under her collar. She tried to bring back the sensation, recall the details, but it was gone. Just a tap. As if there was just the smallest ripple in the force – there for a moment, then gone.


End file.
